THINK 

The Doors of High School 

By Aiana Karymshakova '27

It was a starry night, 

A quiet one, 

The summer night that you have

Only when you’re very glad—

Glad about your life and your achievements, 

And glad about the crickets on the swings. 

Then a thought came into my mind. 

Before long, I will be 15. 

I must go to college, too. 

Soon, I will be an adult, 

And will need to manage my own life! 

My heart started banging, 

Loud and clear. 

My head became dizzy, 

Slow and blurred. 

Sweat dripped down my spine. 

My pulse raced with my heart. 

Could someone help? 

Could someone change it? 

Change the way my future looks? 

I just realized that I did. 

I woke my consciousness, 

I broke my doubt. 

“I must work hard

Before high school starts.”

 I have only four years—

About a thousand days. 

Sounds like a lot, 

But it’s not! 

Highschool students

are so much better than I

in every way. 

In every possible way.

They’re smart 

And talented, 

And they speak so nicely. 

I need something icy 

To cool my head and soothe 

My pounding, panicking heart. 

“How am I better?” 

“Why would it be me?” 

Why would CalTech choose me

When others are so much better—

And there so many of them, 

A lot of people who are just better.

“Better.” 

The word echoes

through the corridors of my soul. 

Do something. 

Find something.

Anything that you’re good at. 

Anything! 

Anxious body 

Sweaty spine 

Bumping heart 

And mind made of glass 

That may shatter at any moment 

From the panic, 

From the truth. 

I must study. 

I must work. 

It is as simple as that. 

But do you know how much I need to do? 

And how many hours I need to spend? 

God help me!

“Satan,” I plead. 

“Anyone, really. 

Can you do it for me, please?”

Then a voice responds softly, 

“No one can help you, and no one will.” 

I must find myself through the darkest nights.

And there will be light at the end of the tunnel, 

This suffocating tunnel that appeared 

When I entered the doors of high school.